My Journey Out of Darkness

Thank you all for your overwhelming support of my recently popular post on how to clean my truck’s upholstered seats.  Many of you e-mail me and ask why I have not posted in several months.  Others continually ask me to please come back and blog, because they love what I share.  Well, you asked for it and now you have it.  Here is why I have been MIA from Inspired-Housewife for nearly nine months.

My intention was to take a few weeks off from writing.  I figured it would give me enough time to regroup, get my groove back, and get back into writing.  Life happened and my blog suffered.  I wanted to write, but every time I tried my mind drew a blank.  It was as if my fingers were frozen in time.  I knew I had great cleaning tips to share and many other things I learned and felt would be helpful to pass along.  It wasn’t happening, and even writing this post is not easy to express.

Inspired-Housewife: My Journey Out of Darkness - Life got messy - I finally had to put me first!

My Journey Out of Darkness

I am not sure where to begin other than to say I missed writing, and even more so, I missed the interaction with my readers.  I started this blog right after the birth of my third child.  I wanted to blog for a couple of years, but was scared to make the proverbial leap of faith.  My husband encouraged me, telling me it was now or never, so I jumped.  I LOVED writing, but I thought nobody would actually read it, but it was my hobby so I did not care.  I never expected to get such great feedback and you all kept telling me to keep sharing what I had to say.

Then the elephant entered the room.  I felt like I suffocated with every living breath.  Something in my life had to go for a short time, so I stopped writing to take care of me.  I have always been the type of person who put her needs last, but I could not do it any longer.  My world went dark.  I started feeling more emotional, and then it went downhill from there.  I had what many women get after having a baby: postpartum depression (ppd).  My ppd was severe.   If you look at my blog dates you can see my posts dwindle down to a bare trickle.  As time went on it got harder and harder to write, much less even keep my house clean, my kids fed, and even getting a shower was almost too much work.  In another blog post I will write more about ppd and its presenting signs.  I will tell more of my story in detail, because I have done so already within my local community, and I saved at least ten women from suffering in silence.

During this time we were given notice by the Army that we were moving to Natick, MA, and so we put our house up for sale after we received our orders.  Three weeks before our house closing the Army canceled our orders and played cat and mouse with our lives.  Those in charge had no job for my husband to stay at his current location, but yet wanted to keep him stationed there anyway.  This was a no-go for my husband’s career, and then how long would they keep us there anyway just to be moved again?  At the peak of this chaos, a family member who lived across the country from us apparently could not handle the stress of uncertainty in our lives.  This person already knew about my struggle with ppd, but instead of asking questions to resolve their concerns, they jumped to conclusions, and threatened us without basis to call the police and CPS.  They believed our children were at risk, because the stress in our lives could cause me to hurt our children.  The events with the Army move would be stressful to any person.  We thought we could be homeless within a few weeks, and unknown change is difficult to express to children.  As a mother to a kid with autism this was HUGE to me, because he thrives on stability.  When there is no stability regression occurs, and it can take months to repair and return to the same functional level.  I was livid and scared down to my core about the threat of my children being taken out of my care due to accusations from some who was completely out of touch with reality.  It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and now what I suffered from was not ppd, it was full blown depression.  I am only human and so is my husband, but the chaos this person caused to our family was worse than anything the Army threw at us.

The Light Shines Through in the End

In the end, with lots of prayers and some help from higher ups in the Army, they reassigned us only a few hours down the road from where we were stationed.  We were sad it was not in Massachusetts near our family in Maine, but we were thankful to have a place to call home.  My husband started his new job in May, and I spent the next several weeks unpacking, finding our son new therapists, getting doctors lined up for the kids and I, and learning about this new place called home.   The move was an absolute blessing in many ways: my son has fantastic therapists and is making huge gains, he started a wonderful private school with a small student to teacher ratio, the climate is nice, and the town boasts many lovely shops and three organic grocery stores.  It was a lot of work moving a family of five and all the change that came with it, but we did it!

Inspired-Housewife: My Journey Out of Darkness - Life got messy - I finally had to put me first!
We have new friends, we are renting for the first time, and we now live in a town home, which is hard to get use to when you previously owned a house on land, but we love not having a mortgage.  We take the kids camping frequently, go to the pool on the local Army post, and life is settling down nicely.  I found myself a fabulous counselor whose specialty is to work with parents of special needs.  I am doing much better than when I stopped writing back around the beginning of December.  Besides finding a counselor who can help with my ongoing struggles with my son and parenting skills in general for my children, I have been eliminating all kinds of things from my life.  In doing so, I recently discovered via diagnosis I have an autoimmune disorder called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which is a condition where my body attacks my thyroid and eventually destroys it.  Learning I suffer from this disorder possibly explains much of my physical problems I dealt with over the past several years, and also explains a lot about my history with depression.

As for my writing, I actually have been writing a lot, but in journal form, and most of it is not for public consumption.  I believe, however, it is time for me to take the leap and get to blogging once again.  So, I will be addressing a lot of new topics, many that are near and dear to me and my life.  I have some pretty fabulous cleaning tips to share, thanks to my son who experimented with hot pink nail polish and other compounds.

I will start back slowly, but I sincerely thank you for your continued support of my blog, even while it grew cobwebs.

{Where I linky share}

Amee's Signature

Share!Share on Google+Share on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone

Related posts:

Comments

  1. Kris says

    You and your family have been through so much. Kudos to you for pulling yourself up and out of the darkness and doing what you needed to do for you and your family. I look forward to following your posts again! :)

    • says

      Hi Kris,

      Thank you so much for the kind words. I look forward to writing again because last night felt like climbing to the top of a mountain and looking down on all I have accomplished in this past year emotionally. :) Amee

    • says

      Hi Barbara,

      Thank you so much for your love and support as a reader and friend. I am a work in progress, but I guess we all are in our journey’s.

      Hugs,
      Amee

  2. Suzanne-Marie English says

    Dear Amee — What a worthwhile “read”, here! Good for you — no, excellent for you to have patched, prayed and parlayed your talents back to doing your blog! So happy for you, my friend, and, for the newly-established, much better peace and order to your and your family’s lives — yaay for you all!
    Hugs and love — Suzanne-Marie

    • says

      Hi Suzanne-Marie,

      Thank you so much I admire you so much and I hope I can use my journey to help others, besides cleaning urine off a mattress. :)

      Hugs,

      Amee

  3. Darlene S says

    It’s nice to take some time to regroup. I’m sorry to hear about all the struggles this year. I’m so glad you shared with us! Welcome back! :) Hug friend!!!

    • says

      Hi Darlene,

      It is good to take time for oneself and figure out what is important in life. I feel my struggles will not be in vain because I have this blog to share what I learn along the way. I think it is our duty to help others with the talents God gives us. I love to write so it feels like the right thing to do. Thank you so much and huge hugs back to you.

      Amee

  4. says

    Amee, you are a strong, beautiful and inspiring woman… and I’m SO proud of you for pulling through and sharing your struggles with the world. It is amazing how things turn around and how many blessing are out there waiting for us. Keep it up girl!
    xx
    -Liz

    • says

      Liz,

      I admire you and thank you so much for your kind words. It was a really rough period I do not ever want to feel that kind of despair again. I was never suicidal, but to come to a point in one’s life where you feel you aren’t worth the breath you breathe is pretty sad. So got my chin up and fighting to be the best person I can be for myself.

      Hugs,

      Amee

  5. says

    You are an amazing woman, and just like you said…human. I’m very happy that things are getting more ‘in order’ for you and your family . You deserve happiness and I admire you!
    xoxoxoxox
    Lynne

    • says

      Lynne,

      I am thankful that Andrea introduced us via Facebook. I am thankful that we have not only been partners in sharing our passions, but also become friends. Thank you for giving me a bright spot in my day when I see your pages posts or your personal timeline.

      Hugs,

      Amee

  6. OneTiredMama says

    Wow! You sure have been through a lot! Thanks for sharing. Glad you’re back! By the way that is a beautiful pic of you! You look healthy and happy :) I can’t imagine all you’ve gone through but how amazing you have already helped other women by sharing your story! I look forward to reading your blogs again! Especially if you got nail poslish out! :)

    • says

      Hi OneTiredMama,

      Yeah it was not been the most pleasant last several months. The threat to my family was the worst of it. My kids are my world and I am a great mother because even when I was low I GOT HELP! I am glad I finally made the jump to write too. I am a little excited by it all and I have not felt this way about my blog in months.

      Thanks my hubs took that photo last weekend in West Virginia – my mom let us have three days without kids. It was fabulous and I know we cannot wait another almost seven years to do it again.

      Hugs,

      Amee

  7. says

    So glad to see you writing again! You are a very strong woman and to share your journey is so inspirational to women with not only similar journeys, but those that are fighting other battles as well. <3

    • says

      Hi Chanda,

      Thank you so much I am glad I wrote last night too. My time is still limited to what I can give to this blog because of my family life, but glad I do not look at it and feel like a failure because I had not posted.

      Hugs,

      Amee

  8. Barbara Zeynep Turkdal says

    Wow, you certainly had a lot tossed at you in a short time. You are woman..one woman….mother of three, wife, and more. Nowhere in the fine print does it say you are SUPERWOMAN. Although in our times, women can achieve many things, we can not do so all at once. Add your PPD and God Bless you for the struggles you have put behind you. But the great news is that you are feeling better, life is back on track and now you are going to bless US with your blog again. Take your time, don’t jump in over your head…. we are here and will read and offer support where we can. Yes, you will be able to help many by speaking of your own experiences and continue to help those of us who need ideas to keep our own households under control (or appear that way !!) Welcome back. Best wishes, Barbara

    • says

      Hi Barbara,

      Thank you so much for your kind words. You are right we can achieve many wonderful fabulous things, but not at the same time. I will not jump right in because I know if I do then the blog will not be what it was started for: an outlet to have fun with.

      Hugs,

      Amee

  9. says

    I am so glad you are back… I am so glad you are taking care of yourself and your family… it takes courage and strength to reach out and get help –the reward of healing and healthy living is SO worth it. I am so proud of you –to see your words here –so honest and real. I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful it is that you are not allowing someone else lack of reality to silence you. It is through help that we can heal, it is through sharing that we gain freedom, and through that freedom we live; our circle widens and we are less alone. I heart you…

    • says

      Amy,

      Thank you so much! Coming from you means a lot because I know you knew I was really struggling. Being that depressed is not something I ever want to experience again in my life. Yes I refuse to let someone else lack of reality silence me. They will not have the power over me or my husband. I loved your last sentence I am going to put it up somewhere to read daily.

      Hugs,

      Amee

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>