10 Things As a Mother I Love to Hate

As a mother, I love to play with my children, and give them ample opportunities to use their creativity.  While I also like to give them their own time to play, these activities can annoy me to no end.  Here is my Mommy list of ten things I love to hate!

1)  Glitter:  It sparkles, its pretty and makes craft time fun.  Unfortunately, this pixie dust makes the rest of my house looks like Tinker Bell threw up.  I can NEVER get rid of it.

2)  Stickers:  My kids love stickers.  They work well on charts, to potty train, to bribe (yes, I bribe on an as needed basis, so shoot me, I am only human).  If you have a daughter like mine, however, every surface of your house becomes her canvas.  This includes all floors, walls, furniture, toys, appliances and even toilets.  Then when you go to remove them, she falls to the floor screaming in horror like I ruined her priceless art.  So, I truly hate stickers, and they make my list.

3)  Play-Doh:  This ageless stuff will keep my two older kids busy for nearly an hour, which is pretty awesome.  When all is said and done, however, you have Play-Doh a football field wide all around the house, smashed into carpets, stuck onto walls, and then to top it off my kids refuse to eat dinner because they filled up on all the yellow, red, and green burgers, fries, and worms they made and ate.  Oh, and yes, black Play-Doh DOES stain clothes.

4)  Children’s Television Programs:  It is the gold-standard of free babysitting (yes, we have a cable bill, but that does not count).  It is the way many of us mothers sneak into the shower, heck a dump or get a few minutes in our walk-in closets to curl up in a fetal position to suck our thumbs, because if we hear one more Fresh Beat Band or Dora song, then our brains could simply split.  TV is good in that my kids can now speak many words in Spanish, can sing and dance well, and can count backwards from the number ten to blast off, which by the way, thanks to Team Umizoomi and mighty math power, my son can now unlock our ice and water control that requires holding for a countdown to reactivate.

5)  Sippy cups:  No mess?  No fuss?  WRONG!  My kids constantly lose their sippy cups, and then come to me in a tantrum like their mouths and throats were on fire from shear thirst.  Then they fight over who had the pink princess cup first or the one with less water mixed with the juice.  My daughter is very competitive in this area (you can read more on this trait in my potty blog post).  Of course, the worst is when my son brings me a long-lost sippy cup he found under the couch, and he says “Look Mommy!  Its spraying!”, and then takes a big swig.  Gross!

6)  Crayons and markers:  I love to bring out the markers and crayons.  Coloring was one of my favorite hobbies as a kid.  My kids love to color too, except coloring books are too boring, so why not color Mommy’s sticker-covered or banana smeared walls, or that new couch that begs to be ruined by my little artists.  Let’s also not forget the colored hands and faces that can now be frequently cleaned in water by “washing our hands” every few minutes as an excuse to play in the water.

7)  Poop:  Yes, you read right.  Actually, it is the act of wiping poop off kids’ butts I hate, but that is just part of being a mother.  While I have no love for poop it is better out than in to prevent kids in pain from constipation.  Of course, we all hate the smell of it, and it disgusts us when our children wipe it where they should not.  Yes, pooing is good.  No bloating, no constipation, no sleepless nights with a screaming child, and no suppositories up the  you know where.  I should probably just get over it, because it is part of life.  Still, I hate it!

8)  Lego toys:  My son loves to build towers and bridges with the sole intent to watch them tumble to the floor.  Legos are fun except when you are sleep deprived with a month-old screaming and gassy infant who is suddenly awakened by a skyscraper falling.  This is not to mention the extreme pain suffered when you step on one of those suckers with your bare feet.  Yes, a few less than motherly words are choked down under my breath as I make plans to throw out every last Lego in the morning.

9)  Music:  Music is something I love, but thanks to my son you never hear an entire song all the way through unless he is sleeping or gone.  If my son is in a train mood well you will be subjected to “Dina Blow Your Horn” repeatedly.  If the song is slow then forget it, because if you cannot spin around the pole in my living room fast then it is no fun for them (yes, I do have a dance pole in my living room, but that is for a later post).

10)  Christmas tree:  I never hated a Christmas tree until this year.  Usually, I adore and look at my tree with pride, but this year the tree was more hassle than joy.  Tired of the constant battles with my kids to leave the stupid tree alone without decoration with potato tots, sippy cups, Legos, or shoes as ornaments.  I was more than happy to see the tree and those ornaments that did survive go back into storage.  I put this in my Happy Holiday Cleanup post.

Now, you may think “Girl, your kids sound like little crazy devils who run the joint and wreak havoc at every turn.”  Nope!  My kids really are well-behaved for kids, loving, smart, and funny, but they are still kids whose young brains are creative, curious, mischievous, and fun.  I love my kids even if in the moments I pull out my hair, hide in the shower for a good cry or simply try to spend a few moments to pee without house burning down.

So, what are some of the things you love to hate as a mother?  Please comment below.  I promise I will not judge.  You should see my house and smell my cat litter box on a number of days!

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